Don’t sing at the table, you’ll marry a crazy person:
That is an old wife’s tale that I had never heard of.
Now how could you use that?
Well, first you will have to have a kid, but not a senile hummer, at the table. You can’t do anything about Aunt Grace whose mind is seeping between the cracks, but you can say this to a kid.
Here’s what the kid will probably say: “What nut ever told you that, Mom?”
I found the above old wife’s tale at http://www.gardenplum.com/wivestales/
Here is another one: Never turn your mattress on a Sunday, or you’ll have bad dreams.
Say your kid wakes up in the night and says. “Mommy, I had a bad dream!”
“What was the dream, Honeykins?”
“I dreamed that a Cave Bear was chasing me while I was riding my bicycle down a hill pell-mell.”
“Oh! Go back to sleep, Honeydew. It’s Mommy’s fault. I shouldn’t have turned the mattress this morning while you were off to church with Daddy.”
I had a dream like that when I was a kid. I had a high fever that brought it down. I was tied to my bed and a huge lion was chasing me as my bed rolled down a hill. I woke up soaked in sweat. How horrifying!
Here’s an old one: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
From my experience, this one doesn’t work, at least the early to rise part. That just makes me tired during the day.
Here’s another one from the above URL: To find out how long you will live, blow the seeds off the head of a dandelion. You will live as many years as there are seeds left on the head.
My suggestion here is that you don’t blow too hard. You will blow your life away.
Here’s a dandy for old folks like me from http://www.corsinet.com/trivia/scary.html An acorn should be carried to bring luck and ensure a long life.
I’m going right outside and grab a couple from the nearest oak tree. Now let’s see; how do you tell an oak from a cottonwood. I’ll have to get my Boy Scout Field Guide out and brush up. Maybe I should just look for a squirrel.
When I was a boy, we carried a rabbit’s foot from our belt or carried it in our pocket. That assured us good luck.
Here’s another one from the last URL: Seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose or hold your breath until you see a black or a brown dog.
I know this is true. My neighbor saw the inside of an ambulance recently and he died.
When I saw the ambulance I ran over to my neighbor’s fence where there are two big brown dogs that love to growl at me, God love ‘em!
Here is a variation of one we used as kids: To predict the sex of a baby: Suspend a wedding band held by a piece of thread over the palm of the pregnant girl. If the ring swings in an oval or circular motion the baby will be a girl. If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy.
We use to do this with a ring or by sticking a pin in the end of a pencil and suspending it from a string. If the pencil swung transverse with the arm, it was going to be a boy. If the pencil swung in the direction of the arm, it was a girl. You could predict each child a girl would have using this method. It also worked on boys. I could have this all backwards. Calibrate your ring or pencil on a mother so you get the directions right.
Like I said, it works on boys and anyone who may have kids or has had kids. It always predicts the sequence. You don’t have to run out and find a pregnant lady. Try it on your cat.
I don’t remember if we ever proved that this would predict birth sequence but it worked on past history.
That is the trouble with predicting methods. Nastradamus was no good at predicting the future, only what has passed. The same is true of the Bible Code or the Gone with the Wind Code for that matter.
Let’s end this thing up with this one:
Monday’s child is fair of face;
Tuesday’s child is full of grace;
Wednesday’s child is full of woe;
Thursday’s child has far to go;
Friday’s child is loving and giving;
Saturday’s child works hard for a living.
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
is fair and wise, good and gay.
Now to see what day of the week you were born on, go to http://www.travelfurther.net/dates/datesrus.asp
I was born on Monday. Well, you already knew that, didn’t you?
John T. Jones, Ph.D. ([email protected], a retired VP of R&D for Lenox China, is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering, humor), poetry, etc. Former editor of Ceramic Industry Magazine. He is Executive Representative of IWS sellers of Tyler Hicks wealth-success books and kits. He also sells TopFlight flagpoles. He calls himself “Taylor Jones, the hack writer.”
More info: http://www.tjbooks.com
Business web site: http://www.aaaflagpoles.com