CHEMISTRY what is it,and do we really need it?
CHEMISTRY-Just the mention of this term conjures up powerful
feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a
love relationship. It is often described as a feeling that
leaves you breathless, excited and weak in the knees. Palms
sweat, the heart races and the body tingles with nervous
It is believed by virtually everyone that true love cannot exist
without chemistry. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be
lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings
towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting
Right? well it definitley helps to assist the bonding process,
but, for this definition of chemistry it is only limited to
one’s physical response to another person. It lacks an entire
dimension that resides in our values, beliefs,
personalities,social and family background and worldview.
In order to know you have the right connection with a potential
(or existing) partner, it’s important to have a basic knowledge
of what real chemistry consists of, instead of embracing only
the myths that surround it. This can be difficult to do. This
intense, physical passion is the stuff that Oscar winning movies
and best-selling books are made of. So, although as intoxicating
as sipping champagne…take a step back for a minute and see if
you recognize yourself in the following.
Sex is great. You have such strong physical chemistry, it’s
almost like an addiction. You long to see your love interest as
frequently as possible, when you are apart your mind is full of
them, how they smell, the feel of their skin, how you feel when
you make love…. and a deep longing to be with them as much as
you can. It is literally like being intoxicated, in fact you
are, with PEA!
These vignettes are great examples of how physical chemistry can
be mistaken for the real thing. The attraction on one level is
so strong, you believe that the relationship has the right
elements to grow into a happy and satisfying partnership, all
that you are feeling are physical symptoms – What you need for
this to grow is a common ground of values, beliefs and goals.
Once you have established all these elements then you have the
ultimate foundation in which to build your relationship upon.
Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during our first
contact with someone, although on occasions it can grow, how
often have you heard two people meet, they didn’t like each
other, then at a later date they meet again and find themselves
falling for each other.
Chemistry – can it DEVELOP over time ? YES, but you do need some
pull from the very beginning. Chemistry is about our
sub-conscious blue print we have formed over many years stemming
from childhood. Our first emotional bonding experiences with our
opposite sex parent will remain imprinted on our minds, to our
surroundings and the relationships formed throughout our lives,
hence some people are attracted to particular types of partners,
this will almost certainly be down to a long history of forming
strong bonds with those kind of people.
The chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies
it) is phenylethylamine – or PEA. It is a naturally occurring
substance in the brain,and within a matter of seconds it kicks
in to action on first meeting,providing after the initial photo
blue print of that person meets and matches all our conscious
and sub-conscious requirements..
Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and
increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction
causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying
feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that
is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire
to be physically close and intimately connected.
When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they
send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If
you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the “wrong”
person, it may be because you are high on the physical response
to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your
head and exercise “good judgment and common sense”.
“Spiritual affinity” develops over time with repeated contact.
When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces
endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an
increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build
attachment. Generally speaking, all “soul mate relationships”
require at least some measure of each of these. The important
thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to
say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a
deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those
intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a
shared life. Although, in healthy relationships those moments of
intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent
times. Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with
romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in
your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients
that lasting love is made from.
Reasons why we want to fall in love…
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive, where
every sense is heightened, and every emotion is magnified. Our
everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the
heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn’t diminish its value, because we are left with
memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives..