Nothing hurts more than knowing your husband had an affair, and the outside woman is likely to have a child that is his. Getting past this situation is at the very least, possible, but will require a lot of strength from you, and that’s only the beginning. Let’s find out how best you can cope with the ordeal of your husband’s affair and the new kid involved.
Your Husband – Is He The Child’s Real Father?
There are countless cases where an ex-paramour wrongfully claims a lady’s husband to be the child’s daddy. As an example, the other woman may not want to let go of your husband, and would use the kid as the ideal opportunity to bring them closer once more.
To answer the question posed above of whether the child is your husband’s. A paternity test is going to provide that for you. Prepare for the outcome. Once it turns out that your husband is not the father, that’s one less headache. If the test confirms your husband is fathering this child, well the possibility of this was always there. Some marriages have become stronger despite these odds, and yours can too.
For the utmost betterment of your marriage, there needs to be healthy communication between you and your husband. It will help for you two to be on the same level again, and will serve to bring you two emotionally closer once more.
Because your husband had an affair, and now has a child as a result, changes will be made to make way for the child. You have never been in this situation before (hopefully) and it will take a while to adjust. Your husband will probably want to support his son/daughter for the following years to come. Unfortunately, it will most likely have some level of communication between your husband and the ex-paramour with regards to the child’s needs.
In the interest of transparency, try to be close whenever these discussions are happening. These discussions should be about the child’s development as an individual, so let your husband know that he shouldn’t entertain any other kind of discussion with the ex-paramour. Lay some ground rules with regards to communication, and ensure they are adhered to. If your husband is picking up the child from his/her mother, you may want to bring a trusted person or relative with you to get the child(for example, your sister-in-law if you have one available). You would want to make sure that there is not any alone time between your husband and the other woman.
When you and your husband verbally communicate, you both need to be respectful and show honesty towards each other. No bending of the truth, and no more lies. The unresolved issues you have with your husband need to be discussed in detail, even though it may be difficult. Talk and listen to each other with the utmost attention. Your husband needs to be receptive towards your ideas on the way forward since you are not the one who cheated.
You did not cheat, it was your husband’s decision, ask him how would he feel if you were pregnant with another guy’s baby. This is his fault, and must also play a big part in making things better after his affair and treating you with more respect from now on.
It’s impossible not to feel overwhelmed by the many negative emotions and the pain felt, knowing your husband had an affair. Getting these negative emotions under control should be done prior to attempting to settle the unresolved issues in your marriage.
As bad as it is to know that your husband had an affair and a child is coming as a result, it doesn’t have to be the end if you don’t want it to be. There must be good communication, a higher level of transparency in your marriage, spouses must be honest, and those traits must be displayed at all times.
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